Call us crazy!

Call us crazy, but we just bought a log home, on 5 acres, up on a hill near Oso (Arlington). Were moving! It has been a hazy dream of both Chris and I to live in a log home. Mine since I read "Little House in the Big Woods" about 35 years ago. I don't think Chris has ever read "Little House" so I am sure his dream is just the dream of many men of rustic, down to earth living.

My strenth has returned, thankfully and I have been feeling better. I still feel muttled in my feelings sometimes, but I know that is to be expected. I miss my little boy more than ever, yet I am settling in to life again with contentment.

We are cleaning out and ruthlessly getting rid of stuff! Ahhh, this feels so good. I drive away with a load for the thrift store and drive home with an emty Suburban. It is so freeing! It makes me think, "why do we have all this stuff?!" It clutters life, it clutter the mind and the soul. So why do we think we need it? We don't! In fact we are better off without it. I am not even a shopper. I hate shopping, unless it is an old country store, an eclectic thrift shop or a barn sale. I do not hord things or over buy, but still we have so much stuff! Ok, maybe I can blaim it on my chilren, they do tend to come with many accessories, but no, they had to get those things somewhere. Lets blame in on Grandma {:o). I can also say it is our society. It is consumer oriented. But we don't even have a TV, get the newspaper or women's magazines so we are somewhat sheltered from all that. I guess it is just a combination.

Matthew 6:19-21 " Lay not up for yourself treasure upon earth, where moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Brother Leiland from Oregon preached Sunday morning about what is your center in life. Where is your focus. Do we have the right focus?

My prayer is, that as we begin this new journy in our lives, moving to this new home on earth that our focus with remain strong on the One who has given us this blessing, this dream come true. That we will never forget that this log home is a temporary dwelling and that our true home is in heaven.

May the blessings of God be poured upon you richly as you focus on God.

Lori
Forever Elijah's mom, mom to 5 other blessings and wife to Chris, a man of Him.

Letting go and letting God work

I BELIEVE IN GOD

I Believe in God even tho’ I can’t see Him,
Even when He is silent, I know He is there,
I know if I wait on the Lord and will listen
In a still small voice He speaks to me here.

I believe in God and I know that I shall see Him
Some day in Heaven upon His great throne.
I believe in God and I know He is with me,
Will be with me here, ‘til I enter my Home.

I believe that the sun even when I can’t see it,
Is there when the clouds keep it hidden from view;
I know it will shine once again in its splendor
When the clouds break away and let it shine thro’.

I believe in God and I know that I shall see Him
Some day in Heaven upon His great throne.
I believe in God and I know He is with me,
Will be with me here, ‘til I enter my Home.

I believe in a love that is true and tender,
For God in His love sent it down from above,
I believe in a love even when I can’t feel it
In this cold empty world, where few know His love.

I believe in God and I know that I shall see Him
Some day in Heaven upon His great throne.
I believe in God and I know He is with me,
Will be with me here, ‘til I enter my Home.

Sometimes God appears silent. Sometimes when I feel my worst it seems like He's not there. I know that it is not God being silent but me refusing to feel Him. My heart is closed to Him.

"For HE has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither has He hidden His face from him, but when he cried to Him, He heard." Psalm 24

I read today in 2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruits of it. Test and prove yourselves [not Christ]. Do you not yourselves realize and know [thoroughly by an ever-increasing experience] that Jesus is in you - unless you are [counterfeits]disapproved on trial and rejected?" AMP

Back in 12:9 Paul says "And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

"When I am weak, then am I strong."

I am not feeling strong right now. I think I am in the crash mode. For so long I had to be strong, I had to keep up the pace for my little baby and my family. I know that God carried me and gave me a tremendous amount of grace and strength during this time (my ever increasing experience). I never felt as tired then as I do right now.
Now is the time I need to seek hard after God. I need to look to Him to find my strength. I know that prayer had a lot to do with it. So it is not so much God being far away. Like Paul wrote, Jesus is in me.

John 15:2-4 "Every branch that beareth not fruit He taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit He purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

Pruning time?

I know that God is patient, yet I know that in the hard times He still expects the fruit. And in these hard times it is pruning time, it is a time to examine my faith and look close to see who I am leaning on (me or Him?). When I lean on Him I give it all up to Him and let Him carry my burden with me. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but it does mean that I am abiding in Him so that He can shoulder my burden to make it lighter, more manageable. Sometimes I just need to let Him work in my life. I just need to let go. Not of Elijah or my experience but of my emotions, my anger and my attitudes. Then be renewed, restored and revitalized by the power of Christ!

It's not easy, but with Christ, it is possible.

Lori

Empty space and the joy around me

Yesterday I took the crib down. It has been next to our bed since before Mary Kate was born. There is now a big empty space in our room. Every time I walk into the room it is very evident something is missing. Someone is missing. These little things seems so hard. It is just a reminder that Elijah is not here with us anymore. It is also a realization that our crib may never go up again. To me this is a loss as well. To some it might be a relief. Why would you want more children? Well, I feel differently. I love children. I always wanted a house full. When I have a baby it is one of the most joyful times. I love to see our children grow and develop personality. Why wouldn't you want children? They are such a blessing!
I do not look forward to the day my children leave home. I will be very happy for them, but I will really miss them. I do not desire "retirement" from mothering. I can't imagine my life without these precious souls to care for. I know that when the time comes God will fill my life with something else and I do look forward to what He has for Chris and I. But it will be a loss in our lives.
I guess the point I am trying to make is that I love my life. I would not trade it for anyone else's. I do not dream of another life, as I used to when I was young. I do not look to the future as being better than the here and now. I love the here and now. I love to watch my children grow and change. I love to live life with them. This is what I do best. I do not have a lot of talents but I do know that God made me a mom, and even though I know I have a lot of room for improvement this is my calling. This is my life work and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Pain and suffering is a part of life. The beauty is to be able to feel it completely as we also feel completely the joy that we are surrounded by.

"Moreover[let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance." Romans 5:3 AMP

I do not like to suffer. But I have found that fighting it makes me miserable. When I accept it, I grow. Then the next hardship is not quite as hard.


Today I will fill the empty space with the joy of my living children and the promise that we will see Elijah again someday.

Have a blessed Resurrection day!
Lori